BLOG #2 WTAF

WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK!

So in our house, we have a mum and a dad and three beautiful teenage daughters. We also support freeloaders with a dog, a cat and a bearded dragon as pets. I'm a good mum. I know I'm a good mum. I also know that being one is rewarding, exhausting, loving, infuriating but most of all, the greatest accomplishment of my life. So as you read, keep in mind that I'm just putting this out there from MY point of view and if you have something positive to add then, please do. Here's to all the parentals out there doing it for the teenager's xx

So, What The Actual Fuck???

Who knew that having three teenage daughters would lead to such a universal life, not one of them is the same. Every day I wake up and get ready to see what the day has in store for me. Usually, I have a list of things planned out that I'd like to achieve, but somehow our worlds integrate so much that I end up being the sounding board, and you could put on a record player that always skips on the word 'MUM'; that would about sum it up.

PUTTING IT OUT THERE TO THE PARENTALS!

Let me first explain that this is not my first rodeo. My daughter's ages are between 19 and 15, and the shit I've seen, done, and witnessed would make some parents heads spin. In essence, I have been doing this for a few years now, and I thought that if I could reveal one piece of information to a parent that would help them, then at least that parent might feel like they aren't failing. I write that because we aren't failing, teenagers are like another species of human that is evolving, and we're just trying to keep up.

So when the hell did all this happen? I'm literally like halfway through, and I'm just going WTAF? It's different every single day!

They astound me every day with how, who, what, and where they are coming from in their worlds.

I AM THE GATEKEEPER TO THE HOUSE, OR SO I THINK…

I have told them several times now that I have changed my name and I'm not telling them what it is so I can't do what they ask…, that doesn't last long. They give me the eye roll and tell me to stop being so stupid. Next, I tell them that they could refer to me as their Queen; that didn't go down well either. So here I am as a mum, just doing my best and trying not to piss them off (well sometimes I do on purpose). In reality, i’m just doing what I can to create beautiful humans to go out into the enormous world.

I'm not even going to sugar coat it, i’m not a candy shop; this clusterfuck of raising teenagers is hard, and I apologise for nothing. What I write and say at this point of what we go through in this family is our daily grind. We are all involved. We do not hide shit from each other. If the kids feel like that there is 'stuff' that they don't want us as parents to know, then we respect that. We had 'stuff' as teenagers that we didn't want our parents to know, so we understand. We hope that they know that we are supportive and open-minded to come to us if they ever need.

I'm not completely stupid, I do know that there are what they deem ‘personal issues’ and that they would rather me not know, so I don't push the issue. We have an open house rule; the house is your safe space. 'YOU DO YOU' in the house because it is the one space in the world where everyone else can bugger off. We like to leave room for the girls to come to us at any time and chat about anything. We listen, engage, and we reflect. Then we react, the girls don't need another lecture or a 'back in my day' story because that world does not exist anymore and it's not about us. Their lives are about their concerns and their issues that they are going through, Not fkn yours. Their world exists, and the issues that they talk about are important to them. If you can wrap your head around that, you're on the money.

OH, MY FAVOURITE PART OF THE DAY…

Don't talk in the mornings. You have to understand 'GRUNT' language. Not the easiest, but keep doing what you need to do in the morning because they have to get their shit together, (eventually, insert facepalm here!). Don't fight the 'Grunt', that's how they function. I always say 'good morning' and set the example. My previous years of experience, it does eventually work. It somehow sets into their brain somewhere as a teenager, and it just takes that ever-evolving brain a little more time to let it sink in and process.

There is so much going on in their minds that they are continually developing, especially while they are asleep and the whole process of waking up is just their brain adjusting to the new information that they have been processing while being asleep. I know we as adults have lots of 'shit' going on, but their brains are growing and developing at such a rapid rate of learning, social skills, technology, hygiene and just remembering the simplest of tasks. Please stop and remember that sometimes you need to slow it down for them, believe me, it will help. Other times I do understand on the flipside that they need to get off their arses, out of their rooms, get their shit together, stop taking the piss and help out around the house because magical fucking fairies do not exist!

Life doesn't 'just' happen, we need to mould, shape, and create the young humans that we are creating within our households. Given that some are easier to get out of bed and motivated than others!! Some days are easier than others. Pick your battles peope!!!

WHITS END!

Every day I'm pushed to my absolute limits of losing my shit, but I don't. There's no bullshit here though because some days when I can't hold it in any longer, and it all comes spilling out, it's an epic adventure for everyone! I understand that they need to learn and evolve. Don't underestimate them! Teenagers are smart, despite what you see and do. They are processing so much information, and you need to let them handle it in their way and in their own time. NO two teenagers are the same.

WTAF comes from the thoughts of how I see and look at what they do daily. As a grown adult, I do wonder how they are going to survive when they are out there on their own. Then again, it happens every day, and it's not like no one has ever not moved out of the home before. I guess that's just more learning and a processing curve for them. I know that people are all at different stages and believe me, so are my girls!

I guess my main point is to let them grow and be as ready as they can for any curveball that flys their way. They need to know that they are doing it.

THANKS, PEEPS 😊

We all have different circumstances and family life. I can only write from mine, and how bat shit crazy they make me. I do appreciate the cuddles or 'I Love you mum' or 'thanks mum', but most of all remember to get in, sit down, shut up, and hang on; because you're in for one hell of a ride and you're going to come sliding into home plate on your side saying 'hell yeah' I survived!

I believe that we are all doing a fantastic job. There is no handbook, and there are no directions on how we're supposed to navigate our way through teenage years, but we can try and support each other in different ways. Every household has there own set of rules and regulations, I'm sure that there are more parents out there that cope with the multiple stages of constant changes with their teenagers or even pre-teens. Just keep in mind that you are doing what you know and that we all make decisions that sometimes also we as adults say WTAF!

Don't be deterred, keep on keeping on. So many people tell me that it does get better and so far in this household, it does. I'm not out of the woods yet though, so here's to many more years of trying to keep my shit together and loving these amazing humans that we have created. I'd love to hear how you manage with your teenagers, even in the beginning stages, I remember them well.

Thanks for having a squizz, and remember to keep it real and keep up with your ever-evolving life of teenagers.

Cheers, Odette xx